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Author: J Aisha Thorne

The 40-Year-Old (Goalie) Virgin, Part 4: Hockey Isn’t For Every Body

The adventures of our unlikely rookie continue! You can read Part One here, Part Two here, and Part Three here. Let me tell you about this fantasy I have. Some years from now, when I’m less of a sieve on the ice and a PHATS legend (and stoned Pavel Barber exactly once, because why not?), some nice kid doing a report will happen by. “What was the hardest part of being a new goalie when you were so old?” the kid will ask. “Was it the butterfly? Skating? Your credit card statements?” I will have to pause to reevaluate...

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The 40-Year-Old (Goalie) Virgin, Part 3: How to Lose without Playing a Game

Don’t look now, y’all, but this Rookie is 41. Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? So this isn’t the post I’d planned to write this month. For the last two decades, the six-week fallout zone around my birthday has been a wasteland of intense depression, and it arrived on time and with zero subtlety again this year. I’ve been doing a ton of sleeping (it’s a massive step up from eating my feels, so I’m counting that as a win), and since I haven’t felt much like moving when I am awake, it’s inadvertently provided...

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The 40-Year-Old (Goalie) Virgin Part 2: Sacrifice on the Iron Altar

The adventures of our unlikely rookie continue! You can read part one of The 40-Year-Old (Goalie) Virgin here. “Physical fitness” and “beer league goalie” are two phrases that might never have been in the same sentence till right now. For me though, my goalie story would never have happened without my time in the gym. A little over four years ago, a fitness group I joined got me started in weightlifting. I discovered I really liked it. I also discovered that I was terrible at self-coaching. I tried to work around myself for a while, but between my mortal fear...

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The 40-Year-Old (Goalie) Virgin, Part 1: My Start

Once Upon a Time in Detroit First, a disclosure: I am not an athlete, nor have I played one on TV. I can (sort of) skate, but I’ve barely played hockey. Despite all that, I’ve decided to become a goaltender… at 40. Why? There’s something about it I just can’t shake that’s finally become irresistible. I’m not sure exactly what that something is, but I’m going to find out the hard way: diving head first. I hope you (soon to be!) fellow beer leaguers have as much fun reading about it as I’m going to have doing it. I’ve...

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