If Goaltenders are Strange – What Does That Make Their Parents?

Thoughts on Raising a Goaltender

It can be difficult being the parent of an athlete. The emotional bond between parent and child automatically leads to great passion and caring. At times this leads to overprotection, occasional overestimation of talent, and sometimes overpressing when great opportunities present themselves. A caring parent who only wishes the best for his child can find it a great challenge to achieve the subtle task of encouraging the values of sport without pushing. As if this challenge of being the “ideal” sports parent is not tough enough, perhaps you are the parent of a goaltender…

Goaltenders themselves have been called many things over the years, strange, different, misunderstood, weird, crazy…one can only wonder what labels should be put on a goaltender’s parent. While many of the tenets of good sports parenting remain the same for mothers and fathers of goalies (i.e. support, have only positives to say at the game, let the coach coach, etc.), the uniqueness of the position and perhaps the passion of its players provide unique challenges and opportunities.

Great sports parenting begins with allowing the athlete’s passion to lead the way. The athlete that has a clear voice in what to play and when to play this lays a great foundation to make the most out of every sporting experience. Once the decision to play has been made, the parent’s role is to support, to nurture the passion, and to protect. Doing these things alone begin to position the athlete for a positive hockey experience. This being said, there are added specifics that a parent can keep in mind to allow their child to maximize enjoyment and ultimately performance in the crease.

First, keep it simple. Give your child the opportunity to learn the basics of goaltending correctly, not much more prior to the teenage years. It is true that specialized coaching is often needed for goaltenders. There are many junior and high school coaches that struggle working with goaltenders. Their having a sound understanding of basic and advanced technique for young netminders can be a lot to expect. Goaltending “gurus” are certainly valuable to your athlete’s development. This being said, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Too often the caring parent, over-cares and provides private lessons to excess. This too often only provides frustration to the athlete, parent, and coach. The young athlete needs to learn the basics to avoid bad habits. Yet just as importantly needs opportunities to play, time to develop, enjoyment of competition, and rest. Learning the basics of goaltending and mastering them in competition is sufficient at almost all levels of play.

Next, get the focus on enjoying playing today’s game. Young goaltenders are a passionate bunch for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of unique things about the position that inspire curiosity and enthusiasm. The equipment-most often the masks. Whether fierce or friendly, bold or basic, bruised or in pristine conditions, helmet artwork gets kids (and adults talking). The opportunity for great saves and glory inspire energy. YouTubed videos of great saves by goalies from the NHL through minor hockey can be watched for hours by young players. This enthusiasm is terrific. However, do not allow the efforts, discipline, and persistence on-ice that led to opportunities for great paint jobs and great saves get lost along the way. A wise parent creates a focus on the acts of “playing” hockey. This perhaps is the most difficult aspect of sports parenting. In essence, the parental role is to teach values without pushing. It is easy for a parent to lecture about hard work and to constantly remind a child to listen to his goalie coach. Unfortunately, due to uniqueness of a blood relationship these messages are lost and over time fall on deaf ears. The key to a parent teaching athletic values is to subtly ask the young athlete to consider the practices and perspectives that led to the glitz and glory. Furthermore, model the language and attitudes sought. So often it is these actions that teach children the most.

Lastly, support and protect. Enthusiastic kids want to play all day and every day. Encourage time off away from the rink to rest, recover, and re-energize. It is better to leave the rink with a child wanting more rather than leaving with a child that wished he had never shown up in the first place. Furthermore, coaches are always in need of goalies, but do not always know how to use them. Protect your child from serving simply as a target for the shooters of too many teams over the course of too many weeks. It is great to see a lot of pucks, but when the technique and body break down, the young athlete is not well served. Sometimes saying, “no,” to an extra practice or game reaps long term physical and mental benefits.

Also protect your child emotionally. The goaltender too often is the hero or the goat. In the later instances, players and coaches struggle to say the right things. In this day and age hockey at all levels is treated as “serious business,” regardless of appropriateness of this attitude the stresses upon players and coaches too often is dropped on the goaltender. In supporting your child, a pep talk at the conclusion of a “bad” game may not be well received. This being said, simply listening to a child’s frustration and reminding that tomorrow is another opportunity may be enough. Allow your goalie to experience the emotion of sport good and bad – these feelings are what makes sport so special – but the day or two after a tough beat, encourage them to get back into the crease with enthusiasm. Disappointment comes with caring, renewed optimism each next time on the ice is the mark of a champion.

It is often heard and is fair to say, “That it is tougher to watch your child compete than to be the competitor yourself.” This thought could not ring more true for the parent of a goalie. Regardless of the opportunities and challenges presented enjoy the family journey, encouraging your child’s passion and supporting him or her emotionally throughout.

Dr. Adam Naylor directs the Boston University Athletic Enhancement Center (www.bu.edu/aec) and leads Telos Sport Psychology Coaching (www.telos-spc.com). He has served as a consultant to high school, major junior, NCAA, minor league, and NHL goaltenders during their careers. He blogs on sport psychology and player development at http://prosportpsychsym.wordpress.com a resource for athletes, coaches, and parents.