Coaching Your Child: Some thoughts on your evolving relationship

I’ve spoken before about balancing the roles of both coach and parent, but as I saw the question come up again recently, it got the wheels turning.
We rarely take ourselves too seriously here but the thought popped into my head – Goaltending is a metaphor for life. More specifically, the way a coach-athlete relationship evolves mirrors the journey of a regular parent-child relationship.
If you’re considering coaching – even as a volunteer with a child new to the game, I encourage you to take that step. You don’t need to have played yourself. Just as we all began parenting without prior experience, you can begin coaching the same way. You learn, you adapt, and you grow alongside your child. In return, you gain an experience and a bond that you wouldn’t trade for anything.
There are fantastic resources available – I’ve now taken the first level of the Hockey Canada and US Hockey goaltending coach certification courses and in both cases there were plenty of parents there eager to learn and help – you can do it too.

We were all new parents once. We made mistakes, we learned, and we raised kids we are proud of. Coaching can be the same journey.
In the early years, as your child takes their first strides on the ice, you are the most influential person in their development as a goalie. But as they grow, just like in life, your role must evolve. Being a goalie parent and coach means finding the right balance—supporting their growth without overshadowing their independence.
Personally, I never wanted to jeopardize my relationship as a parent, so I know I pushed less than others might have. There were times when my son got frustrated that I wasn’t more hands-on, that I left him to work things out on his own. But looking back, I believe that made him a better goalie. He became independent. He valued coach feedback but also enjoyed working on his game alone. If I had been an overbearing taskmaster, controlling every aspect of his development, he wouldn’t be the self-sufficient, confident man he is today. So don’t stress about pushing too hard—your role as a goalie coach might last a few years, but your role as a parent lasts a lifetime.
Some of us have the experience to remain a coach for many years or continue by committing to learning and growing with their child. Many great coaches have climbed the ranks without an extensive goaltending background. You on the other hand might choose to only help out in those early formative years.
However long you work with them, every parent-coach faces a transition. Just as we prepare our children to go off to school and learn from experienced teachers, we also have to prepare them to learn from other coaches. That moment will come at different times for everyone—whether it’s after a few seasons for that volunteer parent at the U8 level or later as a teenager. For us, that transition came at U18, and while admittedly it was hard to make that change earlier than I would have hoped, I was excited for my son to have that new experience of working with a different team coach.
Throughout their childhood, as parents we expose our kids to new experiences—skating lessons, preschool, dance, social and other skill development opportunities. These aren’t just to give parents a break; they help our children develop skills and independence. Parenting is about preparing our kids to leave the nest and thrive. It’s not easy for us, but ultimately, it’s a sign of parental success.
This philosophy applies to goaltending as well. From an early age, I made sure my son worked with various coaches. He was exposed to different perspectives and learned about himself as a goaltender. Playing other sports also played a role in shaping his development. All of this built a strong foundation so that when the time came, he was ready to move forward.
As he grew older, our relationship evolved. I didn’t have all the answers, and others taught him things I couldn’t. But we worked together, discussing ideas and learning from each other. If I had tried to control too much—if he had only worked with coaches who shared my approach or worse, had I insisted on being his only coach—he would have missed out on those invaluable learning opportunities. No matter how well he might have played, he wouldn’t have been prepared to stand on his own.
Now, he’s out of the nest. He works well with his team’s goalie coach. He thrives when training independently. We still talk about goaltending, but now he leads those conversations. I believe that makes him a stronger goaltender—and a stronger person. But all of it was built on the foundation of the years we spent together on the ice and the relationship we nurtured along the way.
For those navigating the balance of being both a coach and a parent, I hope this offers some perspective. And for those hesitant to coach their young child, I encourage you to give it a try. The unfortunate reality is that without you, your child might not get the support they need. But more importantly, coaching provides a unique opportunity to build a bond with your son or daughter—one that will last a lifetime.

As parents, we’re always looking for ways to help our kids succeed—especially in a position as demanding as goaltending. That’s why NHL Sense Arena is such a game-changer. It’s not just another training tool; it’s real goalie development in a virtual environment. Your young goalie can sharpen their tracking, decision-making, and puck-reading skills—all without the wear and tear of extra ice time, and without the added cost of expensive extra on-ice sessions.

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