The audio segment published here takes you directly to the Parent Segment from this episode.

In our Parents Segment, presented by the Stop It Goaltending U app, we talk about why blaming your defence is a poor decision.

It’s something we all do.  It’s not easy to stop – we want our kids to understand that it takes others making mistakes before there  is even a shot on goal. But making excuses and blaming others can lead to a host of other problems  down the road. 

Summary

You’re not alone

It can be lonely being a goalie parent. There aren’t many of us. Most of the hockey parents sympathize but just don’t get what it’s like.

And as a goalie parent it’s hard to be alone with the emotions we deal with.

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Does anyone else have to deal with the wild rollercoaster of emotions we have to face? Who can I talk to for advice?

I’m here to tell you – you’re not alone.  As we’ve said before, InGoal is a fantastic community – we’re constantly amazed by the notes and conversations we get into as we come together, whether goalies, coaches or in our case – as parents.

I’ve been at this a long time and seen every emotion from so many goalies and families – and we’ve certainly experienced them ourselves.

And it’s a rollercoaster. I’ve gone from seeing my child have moments where he is literally living his childhood dreams  to heartbreaking pain seeing him get pulled early in a game – all in a short span of a few weeks. And then the rollercoaster heads back up again.

So what’s my point with that? Just to let everyone know that it’s normal and it’s OK if you’re struggling with the emotion of being a goalie parent. Especially if you’re a new goalie parent you might wonder if you are alone or feeling this more than most – but I’m here to tell you you are not alone!

A few tips for dealing with the rollercoaster.

1. Don’t put your stress on your kid. “I’m so nervous every time you play!” Save that for your friend, a spouse or whomever but let’s not add to what is already a difficult position to play! (but it is probably a good thing to be honest about other life stresses just to let them know it is normal).
2. They say never get too high or too low. They usually mean the goalies but believe me it applies to us too. It’s important for our own sanity – and it’s important for modeling how to handle things for our kids.
3. Double breathing or physiological sigh. First introduced in our segment with sport psychologist Luciano Sommerville, We’ve mentioned this as a good technique for immediate stress relief. It starts out as a normal breath, but before you exhale, you take a second breath on top of it, then a long exhale.  Do this 3 times. It’s a great stress reliever in the moment.
4. Get some exercise. If I get really stressed whether it’s hockey or something else, there’s nothing like some exercise. It might be a hard ride, a run or a brisk walk. For me it takes a good while to affect my mood – I’d say a minimum of 30 minutes. It reduces the stress hormones and increases endorphins – neurotransmitters that help reduce stress amongst many other things. I know some people like to listen to music or a good podcast while exercising and I do too on occasion but if I’m dealing with acute stress I think I need to deal with my thoughts, not avoid them. Exercise helps in the immediate term and also over the long haul if it’s a regular part of your routine.
5. Meditation. You can find lots of meditation exercises online from free resources like YouTube, apps like Headspace and Apple Fitness. I’ve tried them all and again they help both short and long term to calm the mind. In our busy lives and with so much screen time – if we’re honest it’s not just the kids – it’s hard to find time to quiet our minds.
6. Talk to someone. But someone who will listen – not someone who will reinforce your feeling. I’m not sure two goalie parents talking together about how difficult they are finding things will help 🙂

Most important thing is to let you know you’re not alone. What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

And I want you to show your child that what they are feeling is also perfectly normal – and perhaps with a few of these ideas you can model some good ways to deal with stress.

I don’t want my kid to think that he is the cause of my stress.  not “Every time you play I get so nervous!” The game (and life) is tough enough without them feeling they have to protect us or that they might be the cause of our pain.

I want to be a model for him staying calm before games, not getting too high or too low. So I’m more inclined to share that I go for a run to deal with stress if it’s been a tough day at work – not because I’m worried about his game.

A few thoughts about dealing with a stressful position, to le t you know you are not alone and that dealing with it in a positive way might also model for your child – without adding to their challenges as a goaltender.

As always – and even if you just need someone to vent with – [email protected]

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