InGoal Radio Podcast Episode 309 Parents Segment presented by the Stop It Goaltending U app
Presented by Stop it Goaltending U
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The audio segment published here takes you directly to the Parent Segment from this episode.
In the Parent Segment, presented by Stop It Goaltending U the App, we continue to look at equipment with five more pieces of advice for dealing with goalie gear, whether purchasing or modification.
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I want to talk today about what to do when your kid is hit with disappointment—like not making a team they wanted, or as we recorded this episode on NHL Draft day – if they are not drafted at whatever level they are hoping for.
This is about as difficult and painful as it gets for a parent. Nobody wants to see their child heartbroken. While there is nothing we can suggest that will make the pain go away, I hope that I can share a few ideas that will at least help and perhaps prepare you for the next time this happens.
5 Points on Helping Your Goalie Deal with Disappointment
Note: The last couple of steps are really things that need to be ongoing to prepare for these moments.
1. Acknowledge their feelings.
Too often, we want to gloss over and get to the “it will be alright” stage. But it’s important that they be able to be upset and process whatever emotions they have—sadness, embarrassment, anger, and anxiety. It’s normal to feel this way, and they need to know that.
2. Encourage expression.
Let them process it with some questions: “How do you feel?” Invite reflection: “Why does that bother you?” By talking about it, it helps them understand it’s OK to feel this way. Anything else just makes it harder for them—“I feel terrible and now people are telling me I shouldn’t.”
3. Reframe.
Eventually, we need to help shift their mindset—“positive reframing.” What did you learn from the experience? What could this bring as an opportunity? Don’t just get stuck blaming politics or how unfair it is. Even if it is unfair, that won’t help. Remind them of good that has come from bad in the past, either for them or for others – Sergei Bobrovsky wasn’t drafted and he’s on his way to the Hall of Fame.
4. Teach coping.
Help them build coping skills—not just in relation to this event. We need to help kids learn to cope emotionally through rituals on and off the ice, perhaps some meditation, self-talk—all the great techniques we see from many of our guests, such as Pete Fry.
5. Expand identity.
And this is one we need in an ongoing manner! Separate their self-worth from athletic outcomes. Even NHL guys see themselves as a goalie first—and when things don’t go well, it impacts their personal feelings of worth. Make sure they have other things in their life they feel good about—other sports, hobbies, friendships beyond the team. Reinforce why you love and respect them as a person: their kindness, their creativity, their sense of humor, or whatever. Don’t just talk hockey.
Missing the team isn’t the end—it’s a chance to learn, grow, and come back stronger. Let’s sit together, talk it through, and help you discover what’s next.
Coming Soon
We have some exciting new programming coming just for goalie parents; whether you're a wily vet or a first-timer there will be something for you that will help you navigate the goalie parent waters to help you and your child have their best, most enjoyable, season ever.
We will initially roll it out just for a select group as we ensure it is of the highest quality and delivering just what you need. So please let us know by joining the waiting list. Everyone is welcome and there is no commitment required, just add your name to the list here.
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