309 Parents: 5 Points on Helping Your Goalie Deal with Disappointment
The audio segment published here takes you directly to the Parent Segment from this episode.
- Acknowledge your goalie's feelings first — sadness, anger, embarrassment, and anxiety are all normal responses to being cut or not drafted.
- Encourage expression by asking open questions like 'How do you feel?' and 'Why does that bother you?' before offering solutions.
- Reframe the setback positively by helping your goalie identify what they learned and what new opportunities may exist, rather than focusing on unfairness.
- Avoid rushing to 'it will be alright' — minimizing emotions makes the experience harder, not easier, for young goalies.
- Build ongoing emotional resilience tools before disappointment strikes so your goalie is better prepared when setbacks inevitably happen.
In the Parent Segment, presented by Stop It Goaltending U the App, we continue to look at equipment with five more pieces of advice for dealing with goalie gear, whether purchasing or modification.
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I want to talk today about what to do when your kid is hit with disappointment—like not making a team they wanted, or as we recorded this episode on NHL Draft day – if they are not drafted at whatever level they are hoping for.
This is about as difficult and painful as it gets for a parent. Nobody wants to see their child heartbroken. While there is nothing we can suggest that will make the pain go away, I hope that I can share a few ideas that will at least help and perhaps prepare you for the next time this happens.
5 Points on Helping Your Goalie Deal with Disappointment
Note: The last couple of steps are really things that need to be ongoing to prepare for these moments.
1. Acknowledge their feelings.
Too often, we want to gloss over and get to the “it will be alright” stage. But it’s important that they be able to be upset and process whatever emotions they have—sadness, embarrassment, anger, and anxiety. It’s normal to feel this way, and they need to know that.
2. Encourage expression.
Let them process it with some questions: “How do you feel?” Invite reflection: “Why does that bother you?” By talking about it, it helps them understand it’s OK to feel this way. Anything else just makes it harder for them—“I feel terrible and now people are telling me I shouldn’t.”
3. Reframe.
Eventually, we need to help shift their mindset—“positive reframing.” What did you learn from the experience? What could this bring as an opportunity? Don’t just get stuck blaming politics or how unfair it is. Even if it is unfair, that won’t help. Remind them of good that has come from bad in the past, either for them or for others – Sergei Bobrovsky wasn’t drafted and he’s on his way to the Hall of Fame.
4. Teach coping.
Help them build coping skills—not just in relation to this event. We need to help kids learn to cope emotionally through rituals on and off the ice, perhaps some meditation, self-talk—all the great techniques we see from many of our guests, such as Pete Fry.
5. Expand identity.
And this is one we need in an ongoing manner! Separate their self-worth from athletic outcomes. Even NHL guys see themselves as a goalie first—and when things don’t go well, it impacts their personal feelings of worth. Make sure they have other things in their life they feel good about—other sports, hobbies, friendships beyond the team. Reinforce why you love and respect them as a person: their kindness, their creativity, their sense of humor, or whatever. Don’t just talk hockey.
Missing the team isn’t the end—it’s a chance to learn, grow, and come back stronger. Let’s sit together, talk it through, and help you discover what’s next.
This segment is from InGoal Radio Episode 309 with Jean-Philippe Lamoureux
Episode Transcript
Let's get into our Stop It Goaltending U, the app parent segment. Hutch is standing by, but, first, Woody, with a message from Stop It Goaltending.
Yeah. Stop It Goaltending U, the app. All of the twenty five years of Stop It Goaltending led by Brian Daccord, former professional goaltender, goalie coach for the Boston Bruins, goalie scout for the Toronto Maple Leafs, director of goaltending for the Arizona Coyotes. He's done it all. He has all that experience.
You know what he's done? He's taken it, and he's put it in an app for you. The Stop It Goaltending U, the app, has daily primers this week. They're looking at maximizing your off ice training. One of them was talking about playing tennis, a little hint there.
You can easily digest these daily primers, quick one minute videos to help you get better each and every day. They've got a great goalie systems video breakdown this week, slide versus shift. The drill this week, is is is on passouts. You can walk through that drill, something you take into practice. And, of course, they have the Stop It Goaltending U Journal, a PDF you can download and use for journaling.
So tons of information, twenty five years experience, all packed into the Stop It Goaltending U app. Make sure you go download it. And, of course, anytime you get a one a monthly subscription to the Stop It Goaltending U app, you also get a subscription to InGoal Premium.
Hutch.
Daren, this week, we are going to talk about helping children deal with disappointment. Five tips for helping children deal with disappointment. It was interesting as you mentioned
Woody, grab me a pen.
I'm making notes already.
It was interesting that you mentioned that we're on the eve of the draft and that, as many dreams are being made. There are gonna be twice as many kids that are disappointed today and, the Western Hockey League and and, the rest of the CHL have had drafts, USHL, and lots of kids have tried out for teams and not reached the level that they had hoped to. So dealing with disappointment as a parent, is something that happens all the time. So here we go. Five tips.
Number one, acknowledge. I think it's important to acknowledge your kid's feelings. Too often as parents, we want to quickly gloss over how they're feeling and get right to the don't worry it's gonna be okay stage. I think it's really important that we let our kids be upset and we let them process whatever emotions that they have, whether it's sadness, embarrassment, anger, whatever it might be. Let them know it's normal to feel that way and it's okay to feel that way.
Number two, part of that is encourage expression. Let them process what they're going through by asking them some questions. Again, don't rush to fixing it. How do you feel? Ask them to reflect on it.
Why does it bother you? Helping them again understand that it's okay to feel this way. Let them process this a little bit, rather than having them sit around thinking I feel terrible and and now everybody's telling me I shouldn't be feeling terrible. Let them let them express how they're feeling. Number three, we do get to this point, reframe.
Eventually, we need to help them shift their mindset. Some call it positive reframing. What did you learn from the experience? What's this gonna do to turn into an opportunity for you? Don't get stuck with your kid blaming politics or how unfair the situation is, even if it is, because that's not gonna help.
Remind them of the good that has come from this in the past for them because they probably have been disappointed before and it's turned into good things, or for other goaltenders or other athletes or other people that have suffered some sort of difficulty and then gone on for something better. So we can help them reframe it into something more positive. Number four and five are probably really ongoing things during the year, but it fits with this too. Teach coping. We need to help the kids build coping skills not just from going through these experiences and this individual event, but, things like rituals on and off the ice that help them deal with difficult emotions.
Maybe they learn some meditation, something I've tried guys that I think is fantastic. Teaching them self talk. Lots of great techniques from people we've had on the show like Pete Fry, of course. Help kids learn to cope with their emotions. And then number five, I think this is so important and we forget it as parents a lot.
Expand their identity. Help them understand that their self worth isn't tied to their athletic performance. And this is something kids struggle with and professional athletes struggle with when they eventually retire even if they've had nothing but success in their careers. We need them to understand that they are good human beings not because they are goaltenders, but because of all the other things that they do. And so for me, that's reminding them that, you know, I love you because you've got a great sense of humor, because you're a kind person, because you try and help other people all the time, because you're really curious, you learn well.
And part of that, I think, guys, is helping them have other things away from the rink. We talk about having other sports so you'll be another a better goaltender. Be careful. It can't all be about being a better goaltender. How about just going out and playing baseball because you do other things that are fun or learn to play the guitar because that's kind of a cool thing.
Whatever it might be, encourage friendships away from the hockey rink. I think there's a lot of things that are really important here to help kids in an ongoing basis by expanding their identity. So five tips just to refresh, let them acknowledge how they're feeling, encourage the expression about how they're feeling, then we can start to let them reframe this into something more positive. Don't rush to that stage. Teach them how to cope with things when they're difficult, and then expand that identity so that they're not rooted in just being a goaltender and success on the ice, meaning they're a good person.
Sorry. I was just finishing the last one. Writing it down. Hutch, nice work on that. It's so valuable and to to be able to acknowledge more than anything, what what your child is going through.
Yeah. We want to fix things all the time. And sometimes we hear these great legendary things. I don't even know the number, but people say, oh, you know, Tiger Woods father would allow him to be upset for exactly one minute or something like that, and then he had to move on. And let's not think that that applies to life all the time.
Maybe you do have a time limit just to get through to the next shot or the next shot in a tournament of golf or or in a game of hockey. But but in life, we've got to be able to process these emotions or they will build up over time and the dam will burst eventually and obviously, we want our kids to be healthy.
Then you're left with Woody.
You're left with all of us. It's normal to be weird, Woody. We all are.
I was thinking weird. I was just thinking snap tastic.
Snap tastic. Yeah. Well, we all do that too.
I'm just gonna call him unique.
I don't think you're allowed to call me weird, Hutch.
No. I I I thought that was
a little bit strong. Way, Woody. In a good way. I'm calling HR.
Yeah.
Oh, boy. Here we go. Losing my union card again.
A little firm. Hutch. Little firm.
Oh, hold on. I just called HR and it's Hutch. We're good.
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