Episode 366 Parents: Welcome to the Goalie (Parent) Union

This time of year, we have a whole new crop of goalie parents joining us. New season means new kids are donning the pads and that means we have new goalie parents out there. So I thought I would just share a little message for them that maybe will be a nice reminder for all of us. If your kid just strapped on the pads for the first time or if you're a few months into this and still figuring out which end is up, welcome. Welcome to the goalie parent union.

And trust me, it's a real thing. You'll start noticing it pretty quickly. Get a nod from another goalie parent at the rink, conversation with a complete stranger about whether those pads there are too big. Maybe the parent of the goalie at the other end of the ice bumps into you and understands exactly how you're feeling when your kid gives up a tough one because they've all sat there and felt it too. Goalies are a different breed and so are us goalie parents.

It's a strange little community and there's a code to it mostly unwritten that the veterans pick up over years of time in cold rinks, expensive equipment, great saves, tough goals, and nervous drives home. So if you're new to all of this today, I want to hand you a bit of a cheat sheet, some of the things I've learned over the years, often the hard way, some and of the things I wish somebody told me when we were getting started. This is not, I should say, a development plan. I'm not gonna tell you how many goalie lessons your kid needs or explain the RVH. In fact, one of the most important things we'll talk about is why you probably shouldn't be worrying about any of it.

So here we go. 10 things. Number one, cheer for the other goalie too. This is the clearest sign that you're in the union. You cheer for your kid's partner, and yes, every now and then you even cheer for the goalie at the other end of the ice too.

Watch a game even at the highest levels and every once in a while, you'll see one goalie just give a little stick tap or nod as at the goalie at the other end of the ice after a great save. It's a sign of respect, goalie to goalie. Model that as a parent and your kid is gonna learn faster than any speech you'll ever give them. Number two, don't make excuses for your goalie. Nobody likes the parent who blames the defense, the ref, or the scorekeeper, anything but the goalie every time a puck goes in.

It doesn't protect your kid. It just tells every other parent in the rink that you think your goalie needs protecting, and it puts a target on their back you didn't mean to create. Let your goalie own their game good and bad. That's how they build the toughness the position actually requires. Number three, stay out of the shadows.

At some point, another parent's gonna corner you at the rink and a group chat wherever and tell you your goalie is the better one, that she should be playing more than the other goalie. Feels good because somebody is pumping your kid's tires. But what they're really inviting you into is a conversation that requires tearing down somebody else's kid. Don't take the bait. Don't let the conversation happen in the shadows.

Be better. This is minor hockey, especially when they're young. Both goalies should be playing and developing. Don't let another parent recruit you into a campaign against somebody else's kid. There is no version of your kid deserves more ice time than the other goalie that's really good for anybody including your own kid.

Number four, help them own their prep at any age. This is one I've talked about many times. Independence is a gift that you can start giving early. I'm not saying hand a five year old a 40 pound bag and walk away. That's not realistic and it's not the point, but there's always something they can own.

Carrying their sticks, hanging up their own gear after practice, packing up their own gear, you name it. Small ownership now becomes real independence later, the kind of goalie who shows up prepared without being told because it's always theirs to handle. Number five, you need your own plan too. Being a goalie parent is stressful. I mean that seriously.

It's a different kind of stress than being a forward or defenseman's parent because every mistake is lit up on the scoreboard in real time. Your goalie needs a plan for how they handle a goal. You need one too for how you handle watching it happen. Your kid is gonna look up at you after a goal someday, maybe not obviously, but they're gonna do it. What do you want them to see?

Number six, have fun with them off the ice. Not everything has to be development, although this kind of is. Do some fun things off ice like learning to juggle together. I've mentioned before how my mother used to juggle oranges with me when I was a kid and I still think about it. Go outside and play catch, mess around in the driveway, whatever.

Let the position be part of a childhood that's still fun and not just a project. Speaking of which, number seven is don't build a program before they fall in love with the position. If your kid is new to goaltending and excited, it's tempting to go all in private lessons, off ice training, a full development plan right away. Resist that. Your first job isn't to develop a goalie, it's to help create an environment where they might fall in love with being one.

And if somewhere along the way they decide they don't love it anymore, that's okay too. That's allowed. Number eight. Fit beats price every time. Properly fitting your gear matters more than expensive gear.

A goalie who can actually move, who can get into and out of the butterfly, shuffle, recover is learning the position correctly. Gear that's too big to grow into or ill fitting but you got it because it was a great deal is gonna get in the way of it. It's hard to be successful and fall in love with goaltending with gear that isn't right. A properly fitting used set is better choice than an expensive set that's too big. Number nine, learn what to say after the game.

This one is big. In the car after the game, let them drive the conversation. Don't open with goals against or even with the saves. Maybe just, do you wanna talk about the game? Then listen.

Above everything else, make sure they know two things, that you love watching them play and that you'll love them no matter what the result was. I always try and pick out one specific thing as I've said before that had nothing to do with the score. Sometimes not even a flashy save like, I loved how you beat that pass on your feet during that power play. It's a real example that I've used. It tells them that you're actually watching them and not just the scoreboard and it teaches them to evaluate their game based on process and not not results.

Oh, and do you want to grab an ice cream? That's another great way of handling most situations.

Oh, I thought you're talking to us there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I all over

save that.

Percentage. Save percentage and goals against average are almost meaningless even at the national hockey level and that's a hill I will die on. And if they're a tough way to evaluate an NHL goalie, imagine how ridiculous they are for evaluating your nine year old. For kids, it's worse. Giant nets relative to their size, no defensive structure yet, unbalanced teams from week to week, none of that reflects development or how they played.

More than that, chasing a number was never the point. Learning to love the game is. And number 11 is a little bonus. Read some in goal articles together. It's a simple one.

Sit down with your goalie and read an article together, especially ProReads. It's a low pressure way to talk hockey that isn't about their last game and it shows them the position has a whole world behind it that they're now part of. Learn together. You're not the coach though and that's not the point. So that's the goalie union or rather the goalie parent union.

There's no membership card, no secret handshake. It's just this strange little community of people who understand what it's like to sit in the stands while your kid plays the loneliest position on the ice. Most of us learned it the hard way, buying the wrong gear, saying the wrong thing after a game. We worry too much about things that didn't matter, probably didn't appreciate enough the things that did. And we're all still learning.

That's also part of it. So if your kid's just getting started, enjoy this part. Let them fall in love with the position before you worry too much about where it might take them. Learn the game with them. Celebrate the great saves.

Don't panic about the bad goals. And remember that your job isn't to build a goalie. It's to be their parent while they figure out whether they want to become one. Welcome to the union. We're glad you're here.

Question, and well done. Just on the subject of of gear, and you said fit is more important than anything else. Mhmm. The great deal. But are you are you okay with gently used or second hand gear along the way?

Yeah. Yeah. No. I I said that and I think it's a great way to go, especially now. I mean, the gear today is so much more durable than it used to be.

The the second price point stuff lasts even longer than some of the best stuff years ago. Absolutely.

No there's no break in? Like like honestly, like it's like for especially for the young kids, stiff gloves and stiff like part of the fit is the stiffness and if it's too stiff and it hasn't been broken in, that that again, it affects your ability to move, which affects your ability to play, which affects your ability to have fun.

Just make sure that the fit's there that will complement the the savings on on new gear. Otherwise, go to Cam and Company over at the Hockey Shop, they might tell you the same thing.

Well, Woody said this before, he's he stood in there and watched Cam tell them to buy a cheaper piece of gear because it fits them better and it's better for their game. He wants you to enjoy it for a lifetime, not just for one sale. Yep.

And I liked visiting the dairy bar too.

Oh, always. I must admit once they hit junior hockey at a tough game, it's often you gotta buy him a steak, not just an ice cream, but such is life.

Steak took over from from ice cream?

Well, when he's living away from home and you don't get to see him too often and then things don't go as well as either one of you might have hoped. Yeah. Sometimes you have to do it that way.

It's all about a little protein.

Mhmm.

Tough to get out of the You know, gotta cut down on the dairy.