presented by the Stop It Goaltending U app

In our Parents Segment, presented by the Stop It Goaltending U app, we discuss what to do when it feels like the referees aren’t doing enough to protect your child in the net. 

Summary

I may lose my goalie parent union membership here but we all need to take a breath.

Watch a junior game. Watch an NHL game.

Players are crashing the crease, falling on the goalie “accidentally on purpose,” or jamming at pucks until well after the whistle.

I’ve always lived by the “begin with the end in mind” mantra. We all want our kids to play at the highest level, if that’s their dream. So how do we prepare them for it?

No I’m not saying the standard should be what it is for the pros. Not at all. But how can we prepare our kids for it?

If you find yourself getting mad as players try to dislodge the puck from under pads and gloves remember: they have well-protected gloves and arms. And aside from the occasional surprise or stinger that slips through the cracks…they aren’t getting hurt. Certainly no more than a player engaged in multiple puck battles a game.

(side note – 5 and 6 year olds don’t always have gear that protects them and should be playing in a more controlled environment. If they aren’t that’s a quiet conversation with a coach).

So help them learn the right mindset. That’s to LOVE the battle. To know it is to their advantage if they don’t care when it happens.

With the very rare exception, goalies who get upset and frustrated by all the action around them let in more pucks. They get more angry with everything that happens and then they let in even more pucks.

So it’s going to happen and the only way our kid comes out on top is to let it be water under the bridge. Gone are the days of Ron Hextall and Billy Smith. How often do you see NHL goalies lashing out and slashing guys? Pretty much never because it’s only a distraction.

So as with almost all things that look like adversity on the ice, turn them to your advantage by developing the mindset that you simply do not care – or in fact even better, that you love it.

To the parents upset that the whistle isn’t blowing fast enough – there is no rule – yes they blow the whistle when they lose sight of the puck but there is a degree of judgement. So if the ref has a slow whistle – getting upset is of zero value to you. Will being upset change how they officiate? Will teaching your child to be upset change things for the better or help them play better? Have you ever heard of a parent complaining about an official over anything helping?

The only help you can be is to help your child learn to look past it and not care or even love the battle.

Do not encourage them to fight back – the pros don’t do it so why is it going to help a kid?

What about guys running into them crashing the crease?

Hate to say it – but same advice.

Look there are dangerous situations. We don’t want our kids getting concussed. And the coach SHOULD have a conversation with the officials to see that they protect your kid. But there is nothing you can do on your side but help your kid deal with it by helping them learn to love the battle – or at very least in the head shot category – to know it is out of their power and they need to let others handle the situation because the best thing they can do in retaliation is to focus and stop the puck.

So as my kid grew up I’d reinforce when he handled things well. As I’ve said here before “catch them being good” and they’ll repeat it. So “I loved it when you were laughing after that crease battle – it must really frustrate the other team” or some variation of that. Of “I know it’s no fun when guys crash into you but they way you just stayed focused and got ready for the next play was amazing.”

So get them the best equipment you can afford. Get a helmet that fits. Gloves that protect. Then teach them to battle (not literally!) and to enjoy the battle. That is the only way to turn a disadvantage into a positive for your child.

And yes I know as a parent it’s frustrating – none of us like to see our child hurt. But we are no example to our kid getting upset outwardly – we teach them with our behavior. We are no help to ourselves keeping it bottled up inside either. So – years later and plenty of frustration later I promise you….when there’s a battle in front and 200lb 20 year olds crashing on my kid I simply reflect knowing “he loves this – the other team thinks they are getting under his skin but they are only making him more powerful.”

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