Building Resilience: Let them struggle.

Well, I'm just happy that Hutch filled a void for me. Papa Hutch. It's almost like you're giving me a personal parent segment brought to us by Stop It Goaltending U, the app there, giving me some some kudos on on how I handle that stuff. The parent segment this week, brought to us by Stop It Goaltending U, the app, dealing with just how to how how did you phrase it? How to be better?

[crosstalk] Let them struggle. Let them struggle.

Let them struggle. Your kids need to struggle.

I don't do that very well.

How should be a really good goalie dad for my skates?

My wife and I actually had that conversation the other day. It's it's it's hard to step back and let your kids struggle, whether it's jobs or school or

sports. So

And I need to give kudos. It is my wife, Jill, who came up with this week's subject. She works in the InGoal office now, and and she thought this was something important to talk about.

Brought to us by Stop It Goaltending U, the app.

Stop It Goaltending U, the app. This week segments, get new content every week. I wanna go over some of the highlights this week. The daily primers, quick one minute videos that you get, looks at focus, attitude, and energy. All things we can control as we head into our new hockey season.

They've got a a great goalie one zero one with a tracking and skating warm up video. So a great little quick drill that you can take on the ice to help your tracking, help your skating, help you get ready, whether it's for a practices or for a game. They've got video accompanying that one. They've got a butterfly push or recovery drill that you can take onto the ice in a practice situation to work on those fundamentals. And for funsies, they got a preview with predictions of the twenty twenty five, twenty six NHL season.

All this week, all new on the Stop It Goaltending U app where they bring you twenty five plus years of experience led by Brian DeCourcy and the Stop It Goal Tending team, all boiled down into a simple app that you can digest a couple minutes at a time, or when you've got more time, sync into their longer videos and their deeper dives. It's all an option. You control how much you put into it, but I guarantee you if you put anything into it, you will come out on the other side of Better Goaltender. It's all the Stop It Goaltending U app. And, of course, best of both worlds, when you buy a subscription to the Stop It Goaltending U app, you also get an InGoal Magazine premium membership.

So you get all their content, all our content, more than enough to keep you developing as a goaltender no matter what the age.

How to take a deep breath? Hutch.

Our son has struggled many times in his life. It wasn't this weekend though when they went two and o against your Brandon Wheat Kings, Daren, but, we have let him struggle many times in his life.

Your gaslighting.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I just have to. You might be able to come back at me in two weeks, who knows? We'll see what happens.

And Mattie sent me a couple of notes too.

Did he? And I'm

like, I told him I was proud of him. I was happy for him. I'm not gonna cheer against him by any means. But

But you're probably hoping for the one nothing shutout win or something in the shootout.

But it would it would have been nicer than Yeah. 15 against in two games.

Yeah. It wasn't it wasn't really a a goalie friendly score this weekend. Anyway, parents, I'd like you to look forward and, and think about what you would like your child to become in life, not as a goalie but as a person. And I will bet that most of us would hope that one thing they will become is resilient. Life throws us so many curveballs as adults and as parents that we have to be able to handle and one of the greatest measures of a person, many say, who will be successful is that ability to persevere in tough times or when faced with hard tasks.

They call it grit. The same goes for goaltending. Whatever you imagine their future might be in goal, the NHL, NCAA, junior, they are going to face adversity and there will be nothing as a parent that you can do about it. There'll be teammates they don't get along with, coaches they don't gel with, long stretches on the bench or even in the stands, teams that trade them, injuries, tough games. Our children will not grow into that resilient person or that resilient goaltender if they don't get to experience struggle or even disappointment.

They need experience to develop grit. Struggle leads to growth. So how can we help our children as goalie parents? In short, don't fix everything. Don't rush to step in.

It's okay if things don't go their way. Don't complain to a coach when they're pulled or an association when they don't make the team they want. Not only will they lose the opportunity to struggle, I've yet to hear the situation where this has helped. Let me know if I'm wrong. Don't make excuses when there are tough games.

Frame them by all means. That was tough. There were a lot of grade a chances and so on. But as we said before, don't blame. Don't pull them out whenever they feel unwell or even tired.

Of course, I'm not saying to play injured, but I've met too many youngsters whose parents pull them as soon as they feel a little bit unwell. Sometimes we have to push through even if it's uncomfortable. Don't help them avoid the things they dislike. Off ice training that isn't goalie centric, skills practices that, let's face it, aren't fun for goalies, the team run around the lake. Too many parents make excuses for their kids so they don't have to experience discomfort.

Don't always look for the newest best team, the best training. It's okay for them to play for a team that loses. Your team obligations may have to come before that other opportunity no matter how fun it seems. I'm not saying the house league coach who insists they focus only on hockey is right. But if your kid's invited to something fun but has practice, the team comes first.

So, as parents, when do we step in? Well, you're the parent and you know what your child can handle better than I do, but I would say look to see what they can manage. It's okay to help them manage and learn ways to deal with their emotions in a healthy way, but don't fix unless it's really necessary. If they're skipped in the rotation, it's not the end of the world. Maybe teach them how to ask the coach why it happened, but don't go yourself.

But if they're put in a backup role as a child where equal play should be happening, well that's different. Step in carefully. If a coach tells them they should be able to play when they're a little bit sore, that's okay. Help them get ready. Let them tell you their worries and reassure them, but don't pull them out.

But of course, if somebody tells them to play when they're seriously injured or a concussion diagnosis or something, yeah, that's the time you step in as a parent. If they're cut from a team, I doubt you can fix it. Give them a hug, maybe guide them in asking for feedback on what they need to improve. Tell them you love them no matter what, then help them get back out there playing the game they love. Our son was cut from the WHL in a year he expected to be there.

That night he was on the ice with his U eight team back at practice. If they hate skills practices, don't tell the coach they have a test to study for. Help them frame the sessions and adapt. Just like last week's guest, Erica Howe told us in giving us suggestions on how to make the most of those sessions. Sometimes our desire to fix is really a desire to soothe our own pain as parents seeing our children upset.

But we need to let them struggle. Struggle leads to growth. It will help them as goaltenders and as adults. It's hard on us as parents to watch our kids struggle. I know that as well as anyone. Hang in there. I'm here if you want to chat. parents@ingoalmag.com.