350 Parents: Reps vs. Readiness: A Goalie Coach Dad at the Fork in the Road

In the Parent Segment, presented by Stop it Goaltending U the App, we answer a question from one of our readers who asks if there is more value in playing 100% of the games at a lower level, or embracing an A-team challenge where they will learn to work in a tandem. Hutch also goes on a rant about how 12 year olds should not have to fight for ice time!
Parent Playbook — Episode 350
"Reps vs. Readiness: A Goalie Coach Dad at the Fork in the Road"
Great question this week from a listener — a goalie coach whose son just carried his 10U team to a championship as the only goalie in his age group. Now they're moving up to 12U, and there's a fork in the road.
B-team, where he'd be the only goalie — maximum reps. Or A-team, where he'd be in a tandem and, in the dad's words, "have to fight for starts."
He's asking: more value in playing 100% of the games at a lower level.  Or embrace the A-team challenge now to teach the mental toughness of competing for a starting role?
Before I answer, I want to pick at one phrase — because I want to make sure we're talking about the right thing.
The phrase is "fight for starts."
And I want to be clear — I'm not picking at the dad. He's a goalie coach. He's using the language the organization uses, the language the hockey world throws around. That's not the problem.
The problem is what that language signals about how a lot of organizations are approaching 12-year-old goalies. So let me rant for a minute, and then I'll get to the actual answer — because this dad has set up the right question and I want to do it justice.
Here's what drives me crazy about where minor hockey's landed on this.
We've built a culture where 12-year-old goalies are asked to carry the emotional weight of junior-style competition for a crease. Coaches talk about "earning your starts" at U12 like it's some sacred developmental rite. Parents hear it, repeat it, internalize it.
I don't buy it.
The pressure and pain of fighting for starts at higher levels does not need to be rehearsed at 12. That is not where resilience comes from. A 19-year-old goalie who handles getting pulled, getting traded, getting sent down — that kid was not forged on a U12 bench. That's not the mechanism.
Resilience comes from involved parents who expose their kids to a wide variety of life experiences, and from a kid knowing — in his bones — that mom and dad are there no matter what. That's the foundation.
The kids who burn out by 15 aren't the ones who played too much at the lower level. They're the ones who learned too early that hockey wasn't something they got to do — it was something they had to constantly earn. Every practice. Every game. Every start.
So when an organization tells a U12 goalie he's got to fight for starts — my pushback isn't at the dad. It's at the organization for framing it that way in the first place.
Junior hockey is hard. But you don't prepare a kid for hard by making his childhood hard. You prepare him by being the soft place he lands when it gets hard later.
Okay. Now let me get to the actual question — because this dad named the tension perfectly.
He says: "As a parent, my instinct is to want him on the ice as much as possible. As a coach, I know the reality of higher-level hockey involves splitting time and earning your spot."
That's the whole thing right there. Every one of us who works in this game and has kids in it feels that constantly.
And I want to validate the coach brain — because it's not wrong. Sharing a net is a real skill. Being part of a tandem — pushing each other, supporting each other, handling the nights you're not starting with grace — that is part of being a goalie at higher levels. At some point, his son needs to learn it.
But here's the distinction that unlocks this decision. There's a difference between learning to share a net and fighting for starts. One builds a teammate. The other introduces a pressure dynamic a 12-year-old doesn't need.
So the real question isn't tandem or no tandem. It's what kind of tandem is the A-team actually going to be?
Here's how I'd work through it.
First — ask your son what he wants. He's old enough to have a real opinion. His answer doesn't settle it, but it has to be in the mix.
Second — press the A-team coach hard. Is this a real 50/50 tandem, or is one kid the starter and the other plays Tuesday nights? A real tandem with a coach who rotates fairly and communicates — that's a great environment. A fake tandem where your kid is the 1B and knows it? Worst of both worlds. No reps, no confidence, no identity.
Ask about goalie coaching. Ask about practice structure. Ask whether the A-team will be competitive or whether your kid's facing 45 shots a night behind a stretched roster.
And weigh the B-team honestly too. Maximum reps at 12 build pattern recognition, compete habits, and confidence that are very hard to manufacture later. A kid who spends a year as the clear guy, winning games, making big saves in pressure moments — that's real. But check that there's goalie support at that level too, so it's not a year of grooving bad habits.
Here's where I'd lean. If the A-team coach can look you in the eye and commit to a real, even tandem with genuine goalie support — take it. If the answer is vague, or you're reading between the lines that your kid is the 1B — take the B-team in a heartbeat. Workhorse year. Let him be the guy. The tandem experience can come next year. There's no developmental cliff he's falling off by waiting 12 months.
One last thing, dad to dad. Your son won a championship at 10U as the only goalie in his age group. That kid already knows how to compete. He's got the foundation. Don't let an organization convince you it needs to be stress-tested at 12.
Ask your son what he wants. Press the A-team coach on what the tandem actually looks like. And trust that the mental toughness piece comes from you — not from a bench.
Great email. Thank you. As always we love hearing from you – parents@ingoalmag.com.  See you next episode.