Podcast Segment for Parents – Episode 253

Let's go over to Hutch, our guiding light. He does make sure that we are in the proper lane on this podcast. If we swerve a little bit, he brings us back without admonishing our behavior. That is, why he created and is the producer of the parent segment, brought to you by Stop It Goaltending U, the app, and this week, helping up our goaltenders when things get a little bumpy.

Yeah. This is one that, I've held onto since I was a young goaltender and I had my no. I had more than my fair share of bad games. When you have a tough game, what can you say to your kid immediately after the game? And that's that difficult moment in the lobby as you're waiting or wherever it might be.

I just remember walking out and so many parents, good game, Hutch. Good game, Hutch. And I knew that it was not a good game. I was not happy. And it upset me even more to hear good game, Hutch.

So what do you say? And I ran this one by my kid after I'd written the whole parent segment out for this week, guys. I said to Matty, what do you wanna hear? And immediately he said, don't say good game. So there's the first one.

I know you want to make your kid feel better. I know you want as a parent to say the right thing to them. They're they've had a tough time. Don't tell them they've had a good game. Don't immediately blame anybody else.

We don't wanna say your defense suck. You had no support out there. Like, even if it's true, that's not what we're gonna say because our job as a goaltender is to be there to help our team when they do make mistakes. After all, guys, if the team was perfect, there wouldn't be any shots at all. So I'm a little lost

right now because now I've got nothing else to say. Can't say good game and I can't blame anybody else.

Nope. You can't, but we're gonna get there.

I just tell my kid she sucked.

That k. I've actually said that sometimes, but he knows I'm kidding and it gets a laugh out of him. But but no, we don't want to blame anybody else. And I don't think I mean, we want our kids to accept responsibility, guys. And I think any half competitive kid would feel exactly the same way.

That's where I was talking about Pete Fry. He actually talks about having the athlete mindset and wanting your team to turn the puck over. Pete thinks as a goaltender, you should be looking at every situation hoping it's gonna result on a shot so that you can make a save. So so we're not gonna blame anybody else. I do hope and this should go without saying that you're not gonna do what Woody just said and tell your kid that they suck or they played a bad game.

They don't need your help, Woody. They're upset enough. I don't even think a coach should say that to a goalie too often. But, as a parent, you certainly don't need to. So we're not going to justify.

We're not going to tell them, hey, you had 75 shots on goal. Don't worry about it. It's our job to deal with it. And, and I think if you do say that, it's probably going to fall in deaf ears. So what can you say?

I think my answer is nothing. My answer is you give them a hug, you give them a pat on the back, whatever you guys are comfortable with because I know not all teenagers wanna be hugged in their lobby in front of other kids. Whatever it is, I don't think words are even required. You just need to make it clear somehow that you're there for them. Sometimes I'll say, I'm proud of you, especially if it's after one of those games where you and they know that they're in a really tough spot.

So that might be along the lines of your defense suck, but sometimes you're just against an overmatched team or playing for an overmatched team. And if you said to them, I'm really proud of you today, I think that helps. And ideally, guys, I think you want to be specific so that the words have real meaning. I'm proud of you because of how you battled right through to the end of that game. If that's something you saw happen.

I'm proud of you how you never lost your composure like uncle Woody does all the time. I'm proud of you because even though your team was out of it really early in the game, you actually had your best period in the third period and didn't give up any goals or only gave up a couple, whatever it might be. If you can be specific and tell your kid you're proud of them, I think that's great. The other one that I like to throw in there sometimes is quite frankly, guys, I love you and I love watching you play. I think it's important for them to know that when they're really feeling down.

So those are the kind of things that I typically do sometimes, And it's kind of a rare one, but sometimes you can hold this one in your back pocket. I know you're not feeling well right now. I know you're not happy right now, but you're gonna look back on that game sometime and you're gonna realize you actually had a great game. Cause there will be those nights. You have to be honest in everything that you say to a kid because they can see through dishonesty.

You have to be honest so that when you have words to share that they have power to them. Because when you do say good game, it's gonna mean it. So those are my thoughts, guys. I would love to know what you guys think in a second. I just wanna remind all the parents out there that we would love to hear from them and what they say to their young goalies after tough games.

Parents at ingoalmag.com. So, Daren, you've been a goalie since you were knee high to a grasshopper. What did you like to hear if you ever had a tough game?

No. I just your point about I like how you handled the situation or I love the way you didn't get caught up in the antics as your other teammates were losing their tempers. I that's a real positive reinforcement of being able to be mature along the line. That's a life lesson too, not just a hockey lesson. So I had not thought of that angle, I'm really grabbed by the idea of being proud of my child the way they were able to keep it together and be be mature about the situation.

Yeah. I think I had a professor in teacher's college who used the phrase catch them being good as something that as teachers we need to do. Because telling somebody they're doing something bad really doesn't often help. But if you tell a kid that they've done something well, they're gonna wanna please you till the end of time and they will keep doing it, as we all do. I mean, every now and then, Woody actually tells me I've done a good job and I wanna keep doing that.

I deny that accusation. So Woody, what do you

Good game?

First time will

be the last time.

I've seen your family in a game I was at even.

I not good game. I I love this segment. You're absolutely right. If it isn't a good game, that's the last thing you want to hear is good game. I have, in fact, jokes aside, I never tell my kid she sucks.

I have I'm sure. After her volleyball games, when things haven't gone well, subconsciously tried to find things and not even thinking of it as a plan thing the way you're talking, Hutch, but I love the idea of just trying to find things you like, whether it's compete or moments or trying to pick the team up and, you know, get them going when every when when everybody's down. And the one thing that you said there that really resonated was, and I've said it a lot to her, I just love to watch her play. Like, it just brings me joy to watch her compete and play, and that's not based on winning or losing. It's the competitiveness.

It's the moments within the game that I cherish and making sure she knows that. Although I gotta be honest, you have to judge your kids as people, and there are times when she just doesn't wanna hear anything right after a game. And so

Which is what I started

with. Yeah. Understanding the the silence part of it is something as as you guys may find this hard to believe, I struggle with that sometimes. Just being quiet. But, I've learned to just zip it every once in a while and maybe ask a few open ended questions if I can sense she's really upset.

Just see if she'll share and talk and allow her to vent and get it out of the way.

Yeah. And I think that's a really good one that we could get to down the road, Woody. For me, this was just sort of the lobby talk as opposed to, you know, the chatter at home afterwards or whatever.

No. It was great. It was great, Hutch. It was great.

Quite often, it ends with where do you want me to buy you a steak as well because we gotta do something on those after those tough games.

It's a Dairy Queen for

us. Hold

on. Hold on. What? Steak? Like, what what happened to just, like, the frosty drive through on the way home?

We we've gone from ice cream to steak?

Oh, the game's got pretty tough sometimes.

So so the Daren note note to Daren and Kevin, invite Hutch to watch us play beer league and then suck. We're getting a steak dinner out of this thing.

Guys, guys, when your kid lives at home and it happens a lot, you can drive through the frosty lineup. When your kid lives with somebody else and you only get to see him here and there, it's a steak. I have I have a funny story I shared with you guys on text message when it happened, but my son was having one of his toughest games of the year. It was one of those situations where I don't think it was expected to go very well and he was having a disastrous game. And I watched walk in, Dylan Playfair, one of the actors from Letterkenny.

And I thought, I've really I gotta do this. I gotta go say hi to him. I went over, I said, Dylan, I really sorry to bug you buddy, but my son is having a terrible day. And I sort of pointed down towards the end zone, but I didn't make it clear who my son was. I said, he's having a terrible day, but he's a huge fan of you and your show.

Do you think you and I could get a selfie with him, to to cheer him up? And he's like, oh, for sure. And he points down towards the ice level as well where a bunch of kids are playing. He said, which one is yours? I said, the goalie.

And we both had a good laugh. We got the selfie taken and I swear to God, as soon as we took the selfie, what is in the background of the picture? But another breakaway on Matthew in the background. I didn't get to see the breakaway but he came up with the save so that was kind of cool. And after a tough game when he was not a happy boy, getting the photo, not in the lobby, made for a good laugh later.

That's wild. And we we can, like the the parent actually gets something out of it.

Yeah. Oh, I had fun doing it too. And and and let's face it, as a parent in these tough situations, as Woody alluded to, you're often looking for what can I do to help? You wanna help so badly. So

What does a parent wanna hear after a bad game from the other parents?

You know what? Let's make that the next segment or let's make that a future segment. Let's not go there, but I think it's a great question, Daren. And maybe maybe before we can do a little research here, parents parents at ingoalmag.com, what do you want to hear from the other parents?

Like it. Hey, I should remind you. I should remind you.

Your kid left my kid out to dry.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta remind

Five Woodies. Five Woodies fistfight in the lobby.

Tarps off. Let's go. Yeah. I gotta remind everyone. I know we did the big read earlier, but the parenting segment is brought to you by Stop It Goaltending U app, our new partners.

Reminder, not only it is the greatest app for goaltenders, goalie coaches, and goalie parents, But now when you purchase a subscription to Stop It Goaltending U, the app, you automatically get a free subscription to InGoal Magazine. The best of both worlds when it comes to improving as a goaltender, goalie coach, and goalie parent.