Podcast Segment for Goalie Parents – Episode 267

Hutch, great question coming into InGoal Radio Podcast.

Yeah. It's tough for us as parents when we see our kids getting frustrated and it's even tougher when we know that they love what they're doing and that that thing that they love is causing all that frustration, all that upset. What do you guys do? What do you guys do when your kids come home and something you know that they love is is really driving them around the bend and and upsetting them and it's tough on you.

Listen.

Mhmm.

Ice cream. Ice cream. And then maybe after I've had some time to think about it, give them a little bit if if it's something that their kids and they just need to fight through it, you you work with them on that. But, if not, then it's just peer support.

Mhmm. I thought you're gonna ask me what I do when the game's not going well and and all the pucks are going in the net. I was gonna say rage quit, but I guess that's not the that's

not the answer we're going for here. No. I like the I like the ice cream one.

Ice cream's my go to. Yeah.

For sure.

Or a Slurpee or a Slurpee. Like like, we'll we'll go for a Slurpee and and, and have some laughs and and just listen to them vent.

Yeah. It's it's especially tough because, you know, it's something that your kids are passionate about. And, if you're in that position as a parent, you're not alone. This this question came from a parent of a a young goaltender. I believe they were dealing with the large nets.

But you know what? I I don't think it it really matters. I I love that they've let younger kids move to the smaller nets at different ages. I know not everybody agrees with that. I got a note from the head of a national association who doesn't agree with the small nets as as goaltenders.

But at the end of the day, guys, I think, look, we're dealing with the same net, as as NHL goaltenders, and our kids are four feet tall, five feet tall. They're they're generally not the same size as NHL goaltenders. They're not in the same place developmentally. The kids in front of them are not at the same place developmentally. And so there are going to be frustrations.

And I think part of that is just to understand, as as you're saying, think, Daren, accept that these things happen and and know that you're not alone and try to focus on things that we can focus on to help our kids through this. I try and give them a little bit of context when we've been in this situation. It's not blaming anything. Just understanding that those numbers that you see for goals against averages for NHL goaltenders are not gonna apply when you're 10 and 11 years old. Somebody out there might be saying, yeah, but my kid had a 1.5 at age 11.

Well, maybe they're on one of those dominant teams because we see that a lot. Or maybe another kid had a 9.6. Don't take stats, with your kids at that age. I really don't think they apply very much, everybody. What I like to do with them is to focus on something positive.

Give them a goal for each day that has nothing to do with the score. Something as simple as and I've done this, I think I've said on here before with major junior goaltenders. Did you smile? Did you have some fun while you're out there? Tell me something that went really well.

As a parent, learn a little bit about the position and find something that you think that they did really well on the ice and celebrate those things. We don't even need to talk about the score. I I know kids do. I know it's hard to avoid because it gets brought up in the dressing room. It's inevitable, but we can push through that and we can focus on the positive things.

We can tell them how proud we are of them when they battle through things that are tough. Acknowledge that it's tough. Listen and and tell them how proud you are that they're getting through those difficult times. I've told this story before, but but I'll do it again for people who haven't heard it. When I dropped my son off for his first, attempt at a junior a game, he was very young, ridiculously young at that time.

And I said to him quite literally, I said, hey, keep it in single digits, buddy. And we had a good laugh and he went into the rink and, had a great game and kept it far lower than that. But, but it act I was actually semi serious when I said it because he was so young that nine would have been a heck of a story. And, and quite frankly, when he only gave up, I think it was three in that game. I think that speaks to this difference that we have because he was playing on a junior a team and there's a lot more structure at that level guys than people face when they're nine, 10, 11 years old.

There's a lot more similarity in the ability of all the players. When you're nine years old, you can have a kid who developmentally is skating like he's 12, 13 years old, and you've got kids out there that are developmentally well behind. So the game you're facing is just not the same. So we wanna provide some context. As adults, we face it.

Woody faced it last night, I think, when you're playing three on three or four on four in the summer. As he talked about open looks and people not back checking, you have to change the context that you're facing that game with. And, Woody, how would you have felt if you think that every summer skate, you're supposed to walk away giving up only one or two goals? My guess is he would go a little bit snap tastic, but he's smarter than that. And we have to help kids understand the situation that they're in so that they can continue to go out there and and just enjoy the game.

Got to accept that sometimes things suck and that it's okay, and then we just move on and try and help them with that. But the other thing I I just wanted to say, you're gonna hear a bit about it in the feature interview this week. We heard a bit about it from Devon Levi last week or the week before. I'm sorry. More and more, we hear about kids dealing with sports psychologists.

We've had people work with Pete Fry as a mindset coach, and I really encourage that. If it's if it's Pete who creates this incredible positive vibe around every goaltender that he works with, that's awesome. If your kid is going into a sort of a deeper place where things are a little bit more challenging, deal dealing with a sports psychologist as well, might be a good idea. And I'm not sure if everybody knows this. I didn't know it until, fairly recently.

If your sports psychologist is a registered counselor, as many of them are, quite often, mom and dad, that bill can get picked up by the, benefits that your company might offer through work. So it's something that can be a little more affordable than I think you realize. Understand that all of us sometimes need somebody to talk to beyond mom and dad. And if things are getting really, really challenging, it's okay to talk to a sports psychologist. All the NHL goalies that we talk to these days do exactly the same thing.

So don't run away from the problem. Talk about it.

What age would you consider leaning into a sports psychologist?

I don't know that I would think about age. I think I would more consider where is my child at the time and what do they need. You know, I'm getting into territory that I'm not nearly as familiar with, and and I'm not qualified to talk about, psychology at this level, Daren. But I know there have been times that I've looked at my child on the ice as a goaltender and thought, I'm not the guy to handle that issue. And I think if a parent is in a situation where they're a little bit lost for words and they think maybe things are a little bit tougher for their child than than they know how to handle as a parent, it's okay to reach out for help.

It's okay for your child to talk to somebody else. It's okay for you to reach out for help. I'd I'd love to know from somebody a little bit more qualified than me what that age is that you can see a sports psychologist, but I think it's probably a lot younger than all of us realize. I know as a mindset coach, my son was talking to Pete very young. I'm gonna say seven, eight years old, and it made a difference for him.

And I actually had somebody comment once when I put something on social about Maddie working with Pete, and they just said, oh, look at all that pressure you're putting on your child. Seeing a mindset coach so young, you're not understanding this is a game and they're having fun. And my response was quite simply, that's kind of the whole point. I want him to be out there and have fun. There is no pressure.

And Pete is a guy who takes that pressure off. But, yeah, round roundabout way of saying, I'm not sure, Daren. Every child is different, and and that's my approach to them all the

that that you don't know because every child is different and you don't know whether there's an age because for all intents and purposes, if I if I wanna break it down to its basic level, it's it's therapy. And Yeah. There's there's there's no age, limit or or requirement on therapy.

I was gonna ask. I don't think so. Is there any parallel to be drawn between when would you in life consider it for your child? Right. Because I know that I

think that's a great

It is life.

I I know that there are you know, like, both my kids have talked to somebody at at at an age that when I grew up, we never would have considered it and both benefited greatly from it and have continued to go back to that person at different points in their life as they've grown up and and and started in school and things like that. The lessons they learned at a really young age provided them with tools to deal with the pressure and emotion and all the things that come with being, you know, for in some cases, sports related, in some cases, just teenagers, in this fast evolving world that we live in. And so I I think I would answer without having the expertise and a shameless plug. We've got Julia Allain coming up in a couple weeks here, on the InGoal Radio Podcast, and she was at the USA Hockey, as a sports psychologist and mindset coach and has some great tips in there. I can't remember if we talked about age, but I might just drop our line and see if we can add that in.

But I I do think that's the equivalent. Like, hey. If if my kid was struggling this much with something in life and I don't have the answers myself, would I consider do I think outside help would would benefit? I think the same question applies to this.

Yeah. And it starts with you as a parent anyway. I mean, you're not just taking your seven year old and sitting in the room with a counselor without having contacted that person ahead of time yourself. So don't be ashamed as a parent to call somebody and just say, I'm struggling with this situation.

Oh, yeah. How do I manage it?

How do I manage it, and and how do I help my child manage it, and is it time for them to talk to somebody else?

James Reimer coming up, and that's a a great connection to this conversation and how you handle things because he's always been positive. We called him the the great grinner when he was with Toronto because he always had a smile on his face, and it was so just absolutely enthusiastic to watch and and infectious to watch them. And when you said smile, like, send your your child onto the ice and say, smile. I think that's a good lesson for parents too. Watch a practice or a game and concentrate on just smiling the whole time.

And you'll you'll probably enjoy it a lot more, regardless of what's happening on the on the ice, and, you'll you'll come up with a with a a better attitude instead of being stressed because being a bully parent

It's hard.

It's stressful.

Smile is such a good piece of advice, and we I think we tend to overlook it. I'm reminded, Daren, of my first experience this past year. For the first time ever, I had ads to read for radio. My first sort of sponsorship and I'm voicing commercials, and I didn't know how to find that energy, that right level of energy in my voice, that positive vibe you wanna have in in the way you speak in in these types of environments. And the person, the producer who's helping me said, just right before you're about to start your read, just take a big smile and smile throughout it.

And the energy that came through was both natural and as you said, infectious. And I've thought of that every single time since when I go into that studio. If you just smile, everything just sort of gets easier.

I'm smiling now. I'm I'm reading off you, and, it makes me happy. And we've got James Reimer, and that makes me happy too. Good Manitoba product as the NHL Sense Arena feature interview focuses on the traveled James Reimer, but very successful James Reimer.