Parents: Help your child separate their performance from results.

Our friends at Stop It Goaltending U the app, presenting the parent segment.

Lots of good stuff before we get to the segment, which is also good stuff. Over from our friends at Stop It Goaltending U the app, the daily primers this week, talk about effective communication. We hear a lot about communication. Right? The importance of it.

But how do you do it effectively? Talking for the sake of talking, you might as well have a podcast and be named Woody. They walk you through ways to be effective in your communication. They've also got a quick video where Harvard goalie coach Brian Robinson goes over RVH integrations and technique. Their full video analyze what makes Darcy Kuemper's game so successful.

I'm taking a look at some of the saves he made and their drill of the week transition from a backdoor play to a slot shot, which is increasingly, as we heard from last week, the type of thing that teams are looking to do at all levels, get you moving in and out of your post and then exploit you with low high, keep you trapped down on the goal line. How do you battle that? There's a great drill to Stop It Goaltending U app. When we take a look at Stop It Goaltending U, the app, we think of Brian Daccord, we think of Joey Daccord, who by the way is off to a hell of a start with the Seattle Kraken once again. And we think about all that experience rolled into your phone or your tablet and the ability to access it at any time, you get all of it.

All of these things that I just described are delivered new ones each week as well as a subscription to InGoal Magazine premium. InGoal mag and Stop It Goaltending U the app, no better combination in the world of goaltending to help you get better. Make sure you check it out on the App Store, Google Drive, wherever you download apps, and get Stop It Goaltending U the app today.

We should have a little counter when he pokes fun on himself. Ding. Self that's self deprecating.

It's not good mindset,

Woody. It's not. And it'd be a lot of it. A lot of dings going on.

All roads lead to beer league, boys. It's the mindset I need for the job I have.

I think we're gonna bring Pete Fry in one day as a guest, and he can just do a counseling session with Woody.

We should do that on a on an episode. And I and I'm not even joking. It would be cool to hear

Just Pete. Just interject every time I rip myself?

Jump in and and and talk about it.

Well, Woody Woody often uses the phrase, show me, don't tell me. So let's go get Pete in to show us how it's done.

I'm in. Take it away, Hutch.

Gentlemen, we often hear that we should focus on the process and not on the results. And any parent who's had a child playing for a team that loses a lot of games, I mean, the kind where it doesn't matter whether it's their kid in net or Connor Hellebuyck, they're probably still losing, has probably figured this out. But what does this really mean for you as a goalie parent? We've we've talked here before about praising hard work, about catching kids being good, about noticing when they apply something they've learned from their goalie coach. Yet often, that all goes out the window after a loss.

Kids inevitably tie their losses to their performance, and they can't find a way to separate the two. And sadly, many take it even further and start tying that performance to their self worth. We've all heard kids say, another loss. I suck. For a parent, that can be heartbreaking.

So today, I wanna share a practical example of how you can try talking to your goaltender after a tough loss. The kind that leaves them questioning themselves. It's just one approach, but it can help build a framework for separating performance from outcome. So here's a real conversation. I spoke with a goaltender, who had had similar results in the box score in a couple of recent games.

One was four goals against in a loss. One was four goals against in a win. After the win, they were really happy because, let's face it, winning feels good. After the loss, they were devastated, saying something along the lines of, if I'd only stop that one in the second period, we'd have won. Technically, it's true and perfectly understandable.

There's nothing wrong with being competitive. But it's important that we don't let the scoreboard dictate how we judge our performance. As parents, we often try to comfort them, of course. Well, you didn't have that much support. The other team was really strong.

They had lots of grade a chances. But when they're upset, those words rarely help. So comfort them, give them a hug, but give it some time before trying to reason. And then try this question. If your team had scored a couple more goals and you'd won, would you feel differently about your performance?

The answer is something like, well, of course, when we win, everybody's happy. And, yeah, as a parent, you'd probably feel better too because when they're happy, we're happy. But this is where reflection matters. Ask them to think about their performance again, imagining their team had scored those extra goals and they'd gotten the win. How do they feel about how they played regardless of the score?

And you might hear something along the lines of, well, I did a lot well today. My positioning was good. I controlled my rebounds. I've been working in practice on battling for loose pucks, and I thought that went well. That second period goal still stings, but the other three were deflections or tough screens.

Yeah. Tough game, but I'm only really unhappy with one of them. So I guess it was pretty solid overall. Now at that point, you can acknowledge that losing isn't fun, but it's not all on them. In fact, that game sounds like progress.

A mistake or two, sure, but also clear steps forward on the things they've been working on with their coach. That's development. That's growth. You can help them see that they're a better goalie today than they were a week ago despite the loss. Now I'm not saying every post loss conversation will go this smoothly.

Competitive kids don't like losing no matter how you frame it. And there's still gonna be some tough games where they're unhappy and they really didn't play as well as they might have expected. But even then, this conversation reinforces the point. It's a team game and their performance is only one part of it. If their team had scored a few more, it's a win.

Same performance, different outcome. And, yeah, sure. It works both ways. The sharp eyed parent in the crowd might realize that you could say something like, well, what if your team hadn't scored six goals? But don't.

Let them be happy. Let them build confidence. They already know where they made mistakes, and this win reminds them that their teammates have their back. When they reach junior, they're gonna have coaches who break down every detail, but until then, let them enjoy the game. Try a few of these what if conversations.

Try your own version of a what if conversation after a loss, and over time, they might start to understand that their performance and the result of the game are not always the same thing. And that's a lesson that lasts well beyond the rink. If you've tried something along these lines or if you have thoughts about this, let me know. parents@ingoalmag.com.

Do you guys judge your performances on saves made, good chances stopped, or goals allowed, and whether they were good goals or not? In the sense of you can make four great saves, but if you let it stinker, do you feel crappy about your game?

I think there's some ratio there and it's probably different for everybody. It's not one to one. It's not one good save make makes up for a tough goal and it is absolutely only natural to focus on the mistakes. But I still don't think we we should tie them to the results. Heck, in in beer league, that probably goes double.

Well, you know what? It's funny, like not beer league because I don't play that anymore, but like, the my Monday night hockey skate, which has a bunch of guys that are way over my head. A lot of them are younger too. So they're under my age and over my head. But I've I'm with you, Daren.

Like, I you can make a couple of good ones. And then if you let a couple in that you you think you should have, but what's interesting is the conversations afterwards in the room, like these are great guys and they talk about it and they can see if you're little upset and it's like, they're quite honest. Like, they'll tell me when I'm on or when I'm off and there's nights where I'm off and they're like, it. Like, what are you talking about? It was like 10 bell saves all over the place.

And and all that I'm thinking about my mind is the the winning goal because we do play to five and they it keeps it competitive. Because frankly, if there wasn't a back check with this skill level, I'd be screwed. And the open look from the top of you know, from around the dots that I think I should have patience on that goes over the shoulder. I'm mad about that. And they're like, so to put it's the what if, like, sometimes the perspective of the other people shows you it's not as bad as you think.

Now interestingly enough, my last game, I left there. I said to the other goalie, I'm like, man, just felt like I couldn't see it tonight. And then the next morning I found out, yeah, no, your eyes don't work anymore. You couldn't see it. So yeah, that was kind of a reassuring visit to the doctor even if the other part of it wasn't so good.

Just to explain But

you are getting better.

Right? Just to explain to the listeners, Kevin Woodley does have a problem with that, his eyes right now. He is recording this podcast in the dark wearing sunglasses, which makes for a really interesting view for all of us. I wish this was on YouTube.

It's we have to start putting it on YouTube. It's called the corneal ulcer and it's a lot less scary than than it sounds. And so it should get better with some time. But yeah, it was it was so funny because I was like, and that's why I missed the home opener for the Canucks because this is not a look I would recommend going to an NHL game with. But it was funny because I literally said to the guy, I'm just not seeing it well tonight.

And I thought my tracking habits were off or that maybe I was pulling off the puck. I wasn't watching it. And he's like, I'm like the next morning, it's like, no. No. Yeah.

No. Your eyes don't work anymore. You're done.

To Hutch's point of view, it loss is too stink, though.

Ugh. It's

it's hard to define the positive.

Well and maybe that's what I was trying to say is there's been nights at that skate as irrelevant as it is. It's just about a sweat and a and a good time. And, yeah, there's a competitive element where you lose the final game and you feel like you just sucked and you get perspective of the guys who've been trying to score on you all night. And they're like, no, that was one of your better ones. That might be saying something too, but you know what I mean?

Like, it's that same thing. It's I was trying to point out that perspective is quite different. And sometimes it's hard in within that loss to find that perspective.

And what I didn't say that that maybe I should have is this isn't just about consoling your child and making them feel better if they've had a good performance in a loss. I this is a really important developmental step for any athlete to be able to assess your performance independent of the results so that you can then take steps forward. It's otherwise, if if you and and I'll take the other side of this where your team scores a few goals, maybe they shouldn't, and you get a win that maybe you didn't quote unquote deserve. If if you just walk away feeling like everything's great and you've had a had a wonderful night, you've lost an opportunity to learn something. And, so in in either case, you need to take the opportunity to learn something.

I still wanna underline parents, don't be sitting your kid down and tell them you gotta win, but you stunk. Like, that's that's not our approach to anything around here. But but do take the opportunity to learn when when things happen. Because sometimes that loss and the and the disappointment afterwards, not sometimes, often can can overshadow the experience you've had in the game and the opportunity to take something away. Like like I talked about in in this sort of hypothetical example.

Here's a goaltender that's been working on something in practice. They brought it into the game. They did really well. It's important to acknowledge that that work was was well done and that they've taken a step forward, and they're they're now a better goalie than they were the week before.

Well said.