340 Parents: When your kid does everything right and it still doesn’t work out

More great advice coming at you with the Stop It Goaltending U the app parent segment, with David. Stop It Goaltending U the app, providing all kinds of support for goaltenders around the globe and, at various, skill levels.

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How are you going to help us this week, Hutch?

Daren, I often get my inspiration from questions from other parents, around goaltending. This time, I was walking the dog, listening to a podcast, about not even another sport, but just sort of the concept of of effort and and how we expect kids to apply themselves and sort of think that they're gonna get what they out of it, what they put into it. And and I was thinking, I'm not sure that fits, you know. The message that you can do anything you want if just you put your mind to it. And you know, it sounds really empowering for a kid but I think that it can be dangerous because there are things in sport and life that are out of our control no matter how badly we want them or how hard we work.

I'm not trying to discourage anybody from enjoying the sport, but look, to use an absurd example, a jockey is probably never going to play in the NBA, and Shaq is never gonna win the Kentucky Derby as a jockey. Although, to be fair these days, he just might win it as an owner one day. But that doesn't mean that effort doesn't matter. It means that effort is just one part of a bigger situation. In hockey, especially in goaltending, there are other factors that we don't talk about nearly enough, namely luck.

You gotta be in the right place at the right time, the right team, the right coach. There is far more luck in this game that I think many people are willing to admit. You know, as a goaltender, you can train all the time. You can prepare properly, compete hard, be coachable, be a great teammate, and still, you might end up behind the wrong goalie on the depth chart. You might miss an opportunity because of timing or injury.

You might get passed over because a coach wants something different. And, of course, luck applies to every game as well. Two goalies are gonna play the same shot identically, but sometimes the shooter hits his spot. Sometimes he hits your glove. Sometimes that point shot gets blocked.

Sometimes it hits two shin pads and a skate and ends up in the back of the net. Sometimes you face a third pairing d man on a breakaway, and sometimes it's Connor McDavid. That's not a failure of your effort or your preparation. It's just reality. And the danger of saying that you can do anything you want if you want it badly enough is that, when things don't go well, kids often turn inward and make assumptions.

You know, I must not have tried hard enough. And that can lead to guilt, shame, or a quiet sense, honestly, as they get older that they've let everyone around them down even when they've given the game everything they had. And that's definitely not what we want, what we want as parents. A better standard, a healthier one I think is, give it your very best effort so that no matter how it turns out, you can feel proud and satisfied with the process. Similar advice I've given before, guys, about your games.

Don't focus on the goals. Focus on analyzing how you played. Disappointment is still okay. Losing still hurts. Getting cut still stings.

We're not trying to eliminate disappointment. That's part of caring. But we are trying to make sure that disappointment doesn't turn into regret or self blame for a kid. When some kids understand that things are out of their control, they can learn an important distinction. I can be disappointed in the outcome and still proud of my effort.

And I think that's a powerful lesson. In goaltending. Again, you know, you can, can control your preparation, your work habits, your attitude, how you handle adversity, but you can't always control timing, opportunity, what that puck is rebounding off, the coaching you're getting, just plain luck. And that doesn't diminish the work that you've done. It doesn't diminish what you've put into the sport.

Instead of saying you can be anything if you set your mind to it, consider a message that prepares them for the real world of sport. Give it everything you have, control what you can, and if it doesn't work out the way you'd hoped, you can still step away from it proud.

It just gives it some perspective. And as parents, our job isn't to promise outcomes or guarantee success. It's to help our kids pursue things bravely and honestly without tying their self worth to results that they can't fully control. So instead of saying you can be anything if you set your mind to it, consider a message that prepares them for the real world of sport. Give it everything you have, control what you can, and if it doesn't work out the way you'd hoped, you can still step away from it proud.

That's not lowering the bar. It's teaching resilience. And in the long run, that lesson's gonna matter more than any single result on the scoreboard.

I like your idea, er comment, that you can play the a shot the same way as the goaltender at the other end. And it it more depends at times on the shooter, whether they hit their spot perfectly or not.

A 100% because there are there are lots of situations. Wait, Woody sent something around to us this week in our little group chat, didn't he? About desperation situations and just trying to get as much as as you can into the middle of the net.

Does the Akira Schmid diving save.

Yeah. And that's not I mean, good on him for doing that but the player who shot it into him is conspiring on that play too. It is not a 100% on him.

I'm a firm believer you should always dive just to make the coach think that you're trying.

Honest, I swear there are people that do that. Yeah. Because if you play conservatively, maybe even the best possible way, they might just say, oh, he's not trying hard enough.

You gotta compete. You gotta come outside your box.

Yeah. It's ridiculous.

Too technical. Although hey. Listen. There's something to be said for that middle of the net thing, man. Oh.

Oh, don't disagree with you at all, Woody. I'm just saying that's not a 100% skill on a goaltender's part. It is great preparation. It is great tactically, but it takes two to make a big save there. Yes.

It takes a shooter and being afraid to miss an empty net.

The best part about the Schmid save was he he he was well, it was weird, strange because he was diving to his right. Normally, you see those diving saves going with your glove, to the glove side. So he had to cross his body, a little bit like a a shortstop or second baseman, but he caught it right in the middle of the pocket. And there wasn't any added angst about where the puck go or do I got it? It was in there, and he and there was a big smile on his face as as he slid through the ice.

Love the smiles. I'm good at I'm good at the diving saves, the attempts, just less so at the actual saves.